Parenting

    This week we talked about parenting and how it has changed over the years. There are many ways of parenting, many of which have changed over time and others that aren’t seen as effective as others. The purpose of parenting is to teach and prepare children into becoming good, independent human beings. Parenting has the purpose of protecting children and providing for them. 

    The way parents raise their children might be the opposite or the same way they were raised. Many parents were raised in a strict way (having curfews, having chores, having rules) and they don’t want to raise their children that way because they don’t want their children to feel trapped and because they want to create conflict. This type of parenting makes children believe that they deserve things through tantrums and bad behavior, rather than earned by hard work. This type of non-strict, gentle parenting is seen a lot nowadays. Children tend to throw tantrums and because parents don’t want to create conflict, they “reward” them in order to stop the tantrum the kids are throwing. Such rewards are candy, electronic devices, TV time, not doing chores, and more. They make children think that they deserve things rather than that they have earn them. Parents don’t want to make a scene so they facilitate the access to these rewards. An example of this parenting style is the parents doing the kid’s chores because they don’t want them to feel stressed out; parents rewarding their children for doing their chores. 

    Parents who raise their kids with this style of parenting might have a resentment towards their childhood/ teenage years by the way their parents raised them. They felt stressed out and they had to earn things and they don’t want to make their children feel that way. They were raised by strict parents who made them have chores, made them earn things through hard work, and put limits on them. Many parents think that this is “bad” parenting since they make them feel discomforted and stressed out, but it doesn’t help at all because life is not that way. 

    This type of parenting reverses the parent-child relationship. The parent wants to please the child while the child doesn’t feel taken care of so they take over the leading role. Because children are the ones who have the authority to decide for themselves, they are affected negatively. Parents aren’t confident in their parenting so they give up their role as leader and teacher and give into the wants of the child. They give the child the authority to decide for themselves. The thing is that children don’t know what they need.For example,  most kids don’t like vegetables, but they don’t know that they need them. They need to eat them because they need the nutrients. Parents who want to avoid conflict let the child decide what he or she is going to eat and most often, the child might choose the unhealthiest option because it is usually the most delicious. The consequences of this reverse relationship/ type of parenting styles are child obesity, lack of required nutrients for their growth and development, and they might be bad-tempered. 

    A way that parents can teach their children is by showing them how to do it and by their example. Many kids do things that they see their parents doing. Parenting through example is a great way to teach kids. A significant experience I have with this is when my mom taught us the importance of making our beds. She didn’t only teach us that it can impact our productivity, but she also taught us through her example. I remember walking to my parents’ room in the morning and seeing my mom making the bed. Now, giving your example can be more effective when you explain why you do those things. Growing up I hated making my bed because my bed was against the wall. I never made it, but when my mom started telling me that making my bed could make me be more productive, my perspective about making my bed changed. Now I love making my bed because it makes me feel productive. 

    Children need contact through hugs, kisses, and/ or pats in the back. They need to feel like they belong. This can be achieved when parents involve them in household activities like chores. Playing is good, but cooperating in chores and group work activities can help them become more cooperative and less competitive. Cooperating is something that kids need to be involved in because it prepares them for future group work, responsibility, discipline, and hard work. They need a good example of leadership (legal guardians or parents) and they need parents that give them what they need and not what they want.