Coping with Crisis

    Stress is a feeling that makes people feel tense, physically and/ or emotionally. Stress is caused by relationship problems, individual issues, events like divorce, death, general loss, and financial problems. It is said that stress can either better or worsen a family relationship. Stress is considered to be one of the most causes of death. It is not stress that kills people, but it is the strain that it puts on people’s bodies. Stress affects people emotionally and physically. So, is stress bad? Last semester I watched a TED talk about stress and the effects of perceiving it as something bad. I learned that our perception/ opinion of stress might be the thing killing people. When we see stress as a feeling that prepares our body to overcome future events and problems, we might get to manage and solve our problems in a better way.

    Families can be under stress when they struggle financially, when they have relationship problems, when they go through individual problems, injuries and/ or accidents, when they experience a death or loss in the family, unwanted pregnancy, divorce, illness, and many more. Families and individuals cope with stress in different ways. Some people get closer to God or they rely more on God, other people might cope with humor, and others might not cope in a healthy way so they drink or do drugs. Alcohol abuse and drug abuse is one of the most prominents causes of stress in families. So, there are many types of stressor events that trigger families. 

    The types of stressors events are internal, external, normative, nonnormative, ambiguous, nonambiguous, volitional, nonvolitional, chronic, acute, chronic, cumulative, and isolated. Family stressors include drug and alcohol abuse (which can lead to other stressors) and violence. The effects of abuse in a family caused by a parent deeply affects the kids and the abused spouse. Kids are more likely to run away from home and they might have behavioral problems. Family members suffering abuse might also develop health issues and they might feel alone and unhappy. Even though they feel this way, some might not get away from it. Another family stressor is the loss of a family member. Family members might get distanced from each other because they don’t empathize with their other family members who are also hurting. These family members might also become depressed since they feel isolated because they feel that no one understands them. When a family experiences the death of someone in their family, they go through traumatic emotions that affect them, but with the right coping strategies the family might rely on each other. 

    As mentioned above, families go under stressful situations, both from the inside and the outside of their family circle. Many families get distanced from each other because they don’t know how to cope in a healthy way. There are ways to turn a crisis or a negative event into a long-lasting learning experience. It is natural (and even good) that a family’s first reaction to a stressful situation might be negative, but it is very unhealthy if the negative coping mechanisms that are used by the family members are prolonged. 

    Some ineffective coping patterns are denial, avoidance, and scapegoating. Denial is the most common of the three mechanisms. In this mechanism, the affected people don’t believe what has happened in their life. Initially, denial can be useful since it can make people aware of their thoughts, feelings, and resources so they can overcome their current situation in a positive, long term way. Avoidance is acknowledging the situation, but not dealing with it/ addressing it. Like denial, initially avoidance can be helpful since it lets people organize their thoughts, feelings, and resources. People who avoid stressful situations tend to prolong their circumstances since they are not looking for solutions. Scapegoating is acknowledging a crisis, but putting the blame on someone else. People tend to do this because they don’t want to feel the burden of responsibility. Scapegoating is not helpful in any way. 

    There are many ways families can cope effectively. When a family deals with stressful situations in a good way, it means that they have a close bond, communicate well, see each other often (family reunions), share traditions over the years, and have a good financial situation. There are many ways families can cope effectively. The ways to cope effectively as a family are by taking responsibility, acknowledging each other’s worth, having empathy, reframing or redefining the situation, and seeking useful resources. Family members cope effectively when they understand each other’s feelings because they are most likely feeling the same way. Redefining their circumstances is also helpful because their perspective changes. By acknowledging the family members and being empathetic, families cope effectively when they are going through a stressful event. I haven’t experienced this much since my family hasn’t gone through a serious crisis, but I know that if we ever do, following this advice will help us get through a tough situation.