Nuclear and Blended Families

    A lot of couples get divorced and remarry to other people. If they have kids, they become blended families. When a parent remarries to another person, his or her kids might not approve. Kids might resent their parents for getting divorced and “destroying” what they have: their nuclear family.

    In class, we had a discussion about some stats about divorce. We learned that 70% of couples who get divorce, regret it in 2 years (after their divorce). Men are also more likely to remarry. Many couples get divorced because they don’t feel satisfied with what their life has become, they have high expectations of what marriage will look like, or because they feel unhappy. The thing is, marriage is romanticized. In reality, marriage is something that is hard and it is something that people should work on everyday. Marriage requires effort, honesty, accountability, and commitment. 

    The preparation work for this lesson was reading a chapter about the differences in nuclear and remarried families. Reading that was really interesting because they not only focused on the couple who got married, but the children (if they have any), siblings, grandparents/ previous in-laws, and their previous spouse. An interesting fact about couples divorcing with kids is that the mother is usually the one that gets the primary custody. Another interesting thing about this that has shown in many studies is that when the child is 12, the father will typically live 400 miles away whether it is because his work is 400 miles away from his child (in many cases, divorced fathers are required to earn more money), or the mother and child moved closer to where their support system is (siblings, parents, grandparents, friends). 

    Blended families go through different challenges than nuclear families. When a parent remarries, the son or daughter might feel angry at both the new parent and the biological parent because they might feel like they destroyed their original family. They might also feel resent toward them. There are also lines and limits when it comes to the new parent disciplining the child and it is suggested that the biological parent be the one who disciplines the child rather than the new parent. Both the new parent, the biological parent, and the kids suffer. Getting to know a new person while also starting to live with them can be hard. Adjusting to this new life and environment is hard. Even though these families might experience those challenges, there are many things that can smooth out the process of adjusting to that new life. 

    We also talked about the guidelines for a blended family. It would typically take 2 years to reach normalcy in a blended family because kids and the new spouse are getting to know each other and they are accepting them. Another guideline says that the birth parent needs to handle all discipline. The new parent should play the role of a good and fun aunt or uncle. This helps in blended families because the children get to see the new parent as a fun friend. Many times, the new parent might be a “bad” influence, but in other cases the new parent might be a good influence for the child. 

    In conclusion, divorce is something that happens and remarriage is something common that happens after that. Adjusting to the new life with a new spouse and a new parent takes time and patience, but there are tips and guidelines that can help these families to adjust in a better way and become a new strong family. Yes, adjusting is hard, but it is possible and the new parent and child can build a strong relationship.