The Proposal and the Marriage

    This week we talked about marriage. We talked about the stage before marriage which is the engagement, marriage in itself which can bring children, and the stage after the kids are out of the house. 

    As we learned in previous classes, men and women are biologically built differently. Society has also labeled men to be in a certain role: men have the role to provide, preside, and protect and women have the role to plan and nurture. These roles have changed over time and the relationship between these two subjects has also changed, Dating has changed as the culture and society has changed. An example of this is the one when the guy makes the relationship official. Lets say, 25 years ago, to date a girl, guys would ask the girls’ dad for permission to date, but now this is not seen as often.Now, not only has the dating scene changed with time, the engagement (more like the proposal scene) has also changed. Proposals have changed. Back then, proposals were simple, personal, and honest. They were a show of commitment to each other, but nowadays it seems it is just a show. Nowadays they make big proposals to show off and it can also be something planned or fake. 

    Weddings have also changed over the years. Weddings have gotten more expensive as time has passed. A wedding is usually a one day event, but it can negatively affect the marriage. A wedding is usually $20,000. The couple might get the money from the parents (it is said that the bride’s parents are the ones who have to pay for the wedding). They might also have gotten a loan and credit cards, or they could have used their savings. 

    As previously mentioned, some couples delay the process of marriage not only because of their financial state. Some couples wait until their late 20s or early 30s to get married because they feel like they have to have everything put together. Other couples might get married relatively young, like in their early or mid 20s. A benefit that surprised me about the couples who have a short engagement and are relatively young when they get married is that as they experience hardship (for example, financial difficulties), they might build a stronger relationship.

    Couples that get married have had to adjust in different ways. For example, in the first month of marriage a couple might have to adjust to sharing a space. It is said that even a couple who lived together before marriage felt different after getting married and living together. In the first month, a couple might have to adjust to their eating habits, sleeping together, their cleaning habits and organization, and their roles might not be as clear as they thought they might be. Maybe these couples don't know who should manage their finances. These couples might also have different communication styles. The adjustments in the first month of marriage differ from the adjustments in the first year of marriage. In the first year of marriage, the couple might still be learning what each other's needs are. To avoid some of these problems, people can have conversations about their roles and responsibilities in marriage before getting married. 

    If a couple decides to start a family, their relationship can change. Women often feel like they are misunderstood and like they are doing everything and men often feel left out. To avoid this, women about to be mothers can involve men more in the pregnancy by inviting them to prenatal activities and checkups. As they raise their children, the couple might feel distanced from each other, but as they communicate their needs and work together their relationship can get better. After the kids are grown up and are moving out, the couple might become closer and their relationship stronger or they might separate and get a divorce (some just stay together for the kids). 

    In conclusion, there are many phases in a relationship that might make a couple’s relationship stronger or more distant. When communication is present during a relationship, the couple might become stronger.