Infidelity

    This week we studied infidelity. You’ve seen many celebrities deal with infidelity in their marriages. It doesn’t only happen to famous people; infidelity is very recurring in middle class people. I will talk about infidelity in marriage and the causes of it. 

    Infidelity is not only about a married person becoming physically involved with someone that’s not his or her spouse. Infidelity might be romantic thoughts and fantasies about someone who is not your spouse. Being unfaithful isn’t just about a physical relationship with someone who is not your partner, it also has to do with what you do, think, and feel individually. Infidelity causes a negative impact in a marriage because there is a loss of trust and respect in the relationship. In a paper written by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner, it is said that the way the social platforms have shown infidelity in marriage is much higher than the numbers in real life. They say that “the numbers are much lower than the media portrays. According to research from the National Marriage Project (2008), 21% of married men and 14% of married women report ever having an affair” ( Gardner and Greiner 2). Even though these numbers seem lower than what we could have expected, the infidelity rates have increased in the past two decades.  Affairs can vary. There are emotional affairs, physical affairs, detached affairs, and attached affairs. 

    In the category of detached affairs, there are two types of affairs. There is the fantasy affair and the visual affair. The fantasy affair is an emotional affair that might involve a secret online relationship or the act of fantasizing about someone who is not your spouse in a romantic way. Gardner and Greiner have said that “this type of infidelity is being committed online through e-mails, chat rooms, or social networking sites” (4). This type of affair isn’t really something that goes beyond the screen (if put in an online context), but it is still considered an infidelity or affair because you aren’t being faithful in thought. When a spouse involves himself or herself in a fantasy affair, he or she becomes distanced from his or her family. The next detached affair is a visual affair which is kind of self explanatory. This involves the use of pornography. This type of affair is also considered physical. As I mentioned previously, infidelity isn’t just about the physical stuff (even though a visual affair is in the physical category). Watching something inappropriate might affect how you view your spouse and those thoughts you have about other people are unfaithful thoughts. 

    There are two types of attached affairs: the romantic affair and the sexual affair. The romantic affair is an emotional affair that makes a married person become emotionally attached with a person that is not his or her partner. People are involved in this type of affair because they feel like it is their escape for what they view as normal - their repetitious life. Society has also changed the views of marriage and “the media is constantly telling us that ordinary marriage is ‘hopelessly boring and middle-class’”(ctd. Hafen & Hafen). Reports have shown that people who have a romantic affair get used to it and become disappointed over time as it becomes less spontaneous. The next type of affair is the sexual affair and this is also self explanatory. This is a physical affair that occurs when a married person gets involved sexually with someone outside his or her marriage. This relationship that they have isn’t necessarily about getting emotionally involved with each other. 

    Now, why would someone get married to their said love of their life if they end up having an affair? People who are unfaithful in their marriage blame their dissatisfaction in the marriage as the main cause of his or her infidelity. Studies show that “cultural, religious, and personal beliefs also influence our likelihood of being unfaithful” (Gardner and Greiner 12). Another factor of infidelity is if the married couple had lived together before marriage. Studies show that there is a higher risk of infidelity if the married cohabited. Infidelity is not caused by an unsatisfied married life or a bad marriage. Infidelity is caused by how the individuals are rather than the state of their marriage. Gardner and Greiner say that “we can prevent affairs by changing who we are and how we act.” 

    In conclusion, infidelity rates have increased since two decades ago. There are many types of unfaithful affairs that might be divided as detached or attached and it isn’t only about being physically unfaithful. Infidelity is also about having fantasies with people outside of marriage. Infidelity isn’t caused by dissatisfaction. It is caused by how the individuals are.